1 00:00:01,380 --> 00:00:02,820 Berg, have you seen my red towel? 2 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,340 What? My red towel. 3 00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:09,220 I gotta wash it. Mrs. Himmelfarb's cat took a leak on it. 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,080 What? 5 00:00:16,540 --> 00:00:17,540 Never mind. 6 00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:44,470 I want to meet your new girlfriend. 7 00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:45,770 Go away. 8 00:00:46,970 --> 00:00:51,030 It is my right to meet the women you date. After all, I raised you. 9 00:00:52,850 --> 00:00:56,150 That really upsets you, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. 10 00:00:57,790 --> 00:00:59,950 I can't tell you how happy this makes me. 11 00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:03,550 Please, I introduced you to the girls I date. 12 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:05,349 I introduced you to Ashley. 13 00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:08,630 We don't date, and we won't date. 14 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,120 Oh, look what you've done. Now you've upset my girlfriend. 15 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,620 Oh, when did you two start going out? 16 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,260 Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember. 17 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,600 Never. 18 00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:24,040 Come on. Don't let her fool you, huh? Why do you think she's here? She loves 19 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,200 Oh, I see. And all these people are here because they love you, too? 20 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:28,760 On some level. 21 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,640 Hey, Cher. I hate my gym. Oh, you know what? I forgot to ask you. Do you like 22 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,640 your gym? 23 00:01:40,660 --> 00:01:42,240 You didn't make the window again, huh? 24 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:43,720 No, third row. 25 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,040 That is what sickens me about health clubs today. 26 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:53,320 Fitness should be about getting into shape, not forcing women to be in some 27 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,960 show. There's your check, poodles. 28 00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:01,730 Wash your face print off that window on a daily basis. 29 00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:05,110 Because I'm trying to find you all the way in the third row. 30 00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:11,930 Hey, if you want to avoid people like him, you should try my gym. 31 00:02:12,210 --> 00:02:13,210 Women only. 32 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,770 Here is the address. 33 00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,630 Oh, thanks, Ashley. 34 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,210 Really nice of you. Yeah, mention my name so I get a free mug. 35 00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:23,890 Excuse me. 36 00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:26,150 What do you mean by people like him? 37 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:29,600 Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't stereotype. 38 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:32,000 I was being unfair to perverts everywhere. 39 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,220 Apology accepted. 40 00:02:36,860 --> 00:02:38,220 Really likes you. 41 00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:39,620 Really? No. 42 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,760 Oh, you know what? I know somebody who works out at this gym. It's supposed to 43 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:45,259 be great. 44 00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,500 Somebody? Yeah, somebody. 45 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,720 Oh, right. The girl you met at the, uh, the, uh... Yeah, the girl at the, uh... 46 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,420 Come on, guys. Stop. I haven't been to the, uh, in years. 47 00:02:57,070 --> 00:03:00,430 I think he's just making up this girl so we don't feel sorry for him. You know 48 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,070 what, Sharon? That is so sad. 49 00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:03,470 So sad. Yeah. 50 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,990 Yeah, it's sad. Fish from the woman in the third row and the man with the 51 00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:07,990 girlfriend that hates him. 52 00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:13,130 We want to meet her. Come on, I'll tell you a secret of Sharon's. 53 00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:14,350 Guys, 54 00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:17,390 please, for once, I need my own life. 55 00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:22,430 Walter, he can't have his own life. 56 00:03:23,630 --> 00:03:25,470 Especially when we got nothing going on. 57 00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:33,120 Reservations for Dunville? 58 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,340 Yeah. Two of your parties are already here. 59 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:37,960 What? 60 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,880 What are you guys doing here? Waiting for you. Your appointment looks at 7 61 00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:47,300 We're busy people, you know. 62 00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:49,300 So, where is she? 63 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:51,680 She's meeting me after work. 64 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,900 Oh, right. She works at the, uh... At the, uh... The, uh... Go away. 65 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,160 But why can't we meet her? 66 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,800 You want to know why? I'll tell you why. Because you'll screw it up like you 67 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,800 always do. 68 00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,160 What are you talking about? 69 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:07,760 Look, every time I introduce you guys to somebody I'm seeing, you point out some 70 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:12,260 flaw of hers, which I then obsess on, and inevitably, it ruins the 71 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,780 We do not. 72 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:15,700 Remember Denise? 73 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,300 Denise? Dumbo ears. 74 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:23,800 Oh, yeah, I thought she was a nice girl. She was a nice girl. But because of you 75 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,020 guys, I just couldn't stop looking at her ears. 76 00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:29,520 She ordered peanuts at a Red Sox game, and that was it. 77 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:36,040 If you wanted a real relationship, you would have worked it out with Dumbo 78 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,200 Or she -male. 79 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,340 You guys, you just can't help yourselves. 80 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:46,720 Okay, okay, okay, we promise to be good. Yeah. 81 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:48,140 Oh, is that her? 82 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:50,140 Oh, neat. 83 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,820 Way to go, a little Angela Lansbury action. 84 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,860 Hey, hey, hey, just because she's older doesn't make her flawed. 85 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,820 Whoa, look at the size of those feet. 86 00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:07,770 You guys need a hobby. We have one. You. You're non -toxic, fun for all ages, 87 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:09,090 and come completely assembled. 88 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:13,690 Okay, look. I like this girl, okay? I care about this girl. 89 00:05:13,990 --> 00:05:17,770 We talk on the phone for hours. We take long, long walks. 90 00:05:18,090 --> 00:05:19,230 We play Scrabble. 91 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,110 Things you do when you're not sleeping with someone. Ding, ding, ding, ding. 92 00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:27,450 Okay, look. My romantic life is not a game show. 93 00:05:27,850 --> 00:05:31,850 Okay? So if you guys start picking this girl apart and I break up with her, I am 94 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,350 never, ever, ever going to forgive you. 95 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:35,750 All right, bye. 96 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,590 I just wish you would have said something before we drove all the way 97 00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:42,170 Bird! 98 00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:43,390 Bobby, hey. 99 00:05:43,870 --> 00:05:46,830 This is Sharon, and Sharon, this is Bobby. I know him from the gym. 100 00:05:47,070 --> 00:05:48,810 You don't belong to a gym. 101 00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:51,690 No, no. We stand outside the window of your gym. 102 00:05:53,650 --> 00:05:54,650 Oh, you go there? 103 00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:56,330 How come I've never seen you? 104 00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:57,970 Third row. 105 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:04,110 I hate my gem. 106 00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:06,010 Pete. 107 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:07,990 There she is. 108 00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:09,670 Whoa, she's cute. 109 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,170 Way to go, Pete. 110 00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:14,470 Come on, Burke. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She looks familiar. 111 00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:15,990 Where do I know her from? 112 00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:18,230 Oh, God. 113 00:06:19,190 --> 00:06:20,650 I think I found a flaw. 114 00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:22,670 What flaw? 115 00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:23,710 Me. 116 00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:27,860 Me, okay? We had a... Thing a few years ago. What kind of thing? 117 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:32,260 I meet at a party, then have wild sex in the middle of the night on a jungle 118 00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:33,260 gym. 119 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:36,640 Wow. And I find carpets uncomfortable. 120 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:44,580 What is her name? It's an N name. Starts with an N. Nancy. No. Nadine. No. Nan, 121 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:45,620 tuck it. 122 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:46,740 No. 123 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,800 Come on, Bert. If you don't remember her, maybe she won't remember you. 124 00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:56,030 It was one night a long time ago. Pete doesn't have to know. 125 00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:59,350 Well, it might be kind of hard to keep from him. What do you mean? 126 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:03,630 How about my name is tattooed on her ass? 127 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:14,290 Pete's right. I do ruin all of his relationships. And this one, I ruined 128 00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:15,290 years in advance. 129 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,290 Which is actually pretty good for such a procrastinator. 130 00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:21,630 This sucks. 131 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,140 on the positive side. When people are telling small world stories, you're 132 00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,140 to have the best one. 133 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,260 You are not helping. Not trying to. 134 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:40,260 This isn't fair, you know. I mean, it wasn't even my idea. We're stumbling by 135 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:44,020 tattoo parlor. I needed to use the bathroom. Restroom signed fifth 136 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:45,080 only. She volunteered. 137 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,960 You kids really had something special going. 138 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,500 You know what? 139 00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:53,769 I'm panicking. 140 00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:57,010 I'm panicking. I mean, let's give Pete a little credit here. I mean, maybe it 141 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,150 won't even matter that I slept with his girlfriend first. 142 00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:03,210 Are you kidding? 143 00:08:03,510 --> 00:08:06,490 He has a conniption when you read the newspaper before he does. 144 00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:14,450 Oh, good God. What if tonight's the night he finally sleeps with... What 145 00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:17,870 the hell is her name? 146 00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:20,910 See? This is why tattoos come in handy. 147 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,080 What is wrong with you? 148 00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,900 Look, I'm sorry. That's how we play. 149 00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,060 When one of us is down, you kick him. 150 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,760 Hey, guys. 151 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,740 Hey, Pete. Everything okay? 152 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:35,879 Yeah, great. 153 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:36,880 What'd you guys end up doing? 154 00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:38,200 We went to the movies. 155 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:39,500 What'd you see? 156 00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:42,140 What does it matter? She talked through the whole thing. 157 00:08:42,659 --> 00:08:47,640 Oh, I hate that. Don't you hate that? That must have driven you crazy. Oh, 158 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,480 you know what else she does? 159 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,140 She laughs at her own jokes. 160 00:08:52,859 --> 00:08:54,340 Holy incompatibility, Batman. 161 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,800 You know, Pete, it's a good thing you found out now. 162 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,400 Oh, oh, you know what I noticed tonight? 163 00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:04,140 She's got a chipped tooth. 164 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,500 Whoa. What, is she from England? 165 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,640 Yeah, yeah, but you know what? I don't care. 166 00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:15,840 Huh? Yeah, I mean, I must really like Nicole. Nicole? 167 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,680 Yes, Nicole. I mean... 168 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,900 I know all of her flaws, and somehow they don't bother me. 169 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,320 Oh, Bert, will you cover for me tomorrow night? 170 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,240 Sure. Yeah, Nicole and I are spending the night at a bed and breakfast up in 171 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,240 Concord. 172 00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,940 Oh, tomorrow. Tomorrow night. No, no, I can't. I can't do that. 173 00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:39,220 Oh, you. 174 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:41,460 Thanks, man. 175 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,500 It's just a great day to be me. 176 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,060 And just the worst day to be you. 177 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:53,280 Sharon. The second he sees that tattoo, he is never letting me near anyone he 178 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,280 cares about again. 179 00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:02,460 I wanted to be the best man at his wedding, you know? I wanted to be Uncle 180 00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,500 to his kids, you know? He'd say, no soda. 181 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,260 And I'll give him soda. 182 00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:10,140 But now no one gets soda. 183 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:16,800 Oh, I think about it. It was one night three years ago. Maybe she's had the 184 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:17,800 tattoo removed. 185 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:19,880 You're right. 186 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,440 Maybe she did. 187 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,560 But our friendship is too important to rely on maybes. 188 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:26,860 I love that guy. 189 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,700 So I gotta get a good look at his girlfriend's ass. 190 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,480 This place is amazing. 191 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:41,000 You don't have to get dressed up or wear makeup. People are actually here to 192 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:41,959 work out. 193 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,300 But let's not forget why you're here. 194 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:45,760 Did you see Nicole? 195 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,120 She signed in, but she's not in the workout room. All right. 196 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,560 I'm gonna hit the showers, kid. 197 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:57,760 Berg? 198 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,760 Ashley, what are you doing here? 199 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:05,080 Well, it's a women's gym, so obviously I was in the back having a pillow fight 200 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,080 in my panties. 201 00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:11,620 Well, I'm at a women's gym because I'm waiting for a woman. 202 00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:14,140 Sharon, my friend, Sharon. 203 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,020 She's also a woman. 204 00:11:18,730 --> 00:11:20,690 You know, it's funny. I was just thinking about you. 205 00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:22,410 Really? Yeah. 206 00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:27,450 Well, I was in the locker room getting dressed, and as I bent down to tie my 207 00:11:27,450 --> 00:11:29,770 shoe, you just popped into my head. 208 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:31,310 Really? 209 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:33,890 Yeah. 210 00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:37,550 Well, your name was tattooed on some woman's butt. 211 00:11:42,010 --> 00:11:43,010 Really? 212 00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:47,930 That would be Nicole, and she's also... 213 00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:49,270 Just a friend. 214 00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,830 What, do you brand them to keep track? 215 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:56,690 No, no, it's not like that. No, no, no, there's nothing you could possibly say, 216 00:11:56,930 --> 00:11:57,930 Burke. You're hopeless. 217 00:11:59,170 --> 00:12:00,170 Call me! 218 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:05,790 I do not believe the humiliation. I just suffer for you. 219 00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:09,910 I had to peek in every shower stall. I got three screams, two dirty looks, and 220 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:10,930 an invitation to play golf. 221 00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:18,120 I know, I know. It's still there. Ashley told me, and she is not happy with me. 222 00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:20,560 Well, tell her to get in line. 223 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:24,500 That's her. 224 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:30,460 Listen, I don't know what kind of place you're used to, but this gym isn't a 225 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:31,460 meat market, okay? 226 00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:36,340 Women don't come here to get ogled. 227 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:41,900 I wasn't ogling. I was looking for a friend. Oh, try the personals. 228 00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:47,180 Hey, hey, chin up. You'll find someone. 229 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,080 Nicole. 230 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,160 Hi. 231 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:01,560 Do I know you? Three years ago, Steve Besson's party. 232 00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:03,580 Jungle gym. 233 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,100 Tattoo parlor. 234 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,180 Oh, my God. 235 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,560 It's you. 236 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,100 Bird. 237 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,420 Trust me, I can remember the name. 238 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,400 So how you been? 239 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,540 I've been good. 240 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:20,440 Well, nice catching up. 241 00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,800 So here is an incredible coincidence. 242 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,860 Did Pete ever mention his roommate? 243 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:31,260 Pete? Oh, tell me you do not work at a pizza place. 244 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:36,540 No, I'm a med student who works at a pizza place. 245 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,000 Great. Does Pete know? 246 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,320 No, no, and Pete doesn't need to know. So I say... 247 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,780 We hop in a cab and we go Dutch on some laser surgery. 248 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,360 Forget it. I'm not going to have it removed. 249 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:55,100 Okay, all right. So keep third. But how about writing the word ice? 250 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:57,440 No. 251 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,000 Hinden? I'm not touching it. 252 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,240 Whoopie gold. 253 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,380 That tattoo stays right where it is. 254 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,340 Wow. I meant that much to you, huh? 255 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:08,560 Yes. 256 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:10,660 When we had... 257 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,110 Whatever it was. 258 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:20,010 I had dropped out of school. I was partying a lot, and I was out of 259 00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:24,210 And then that night with you was rock bottom. 260 00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:30,770 After that, I realized I had to change my life. That tattoo was a reminder to 261 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,790 to never think that low again. 262 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,810 Well, glad I could help. 263 00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:40,830 But what about Pete? 264 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,280 Pete's great. 265 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,840 He's the sweetest guy I've met in a long time. I care a lot about Pete. 266 00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:48,140 So do I, Nicole. 267 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:53,880 When he sees that tattoo... If this ruins our relationship, then there 268 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:54,940 much of one to begin with. 269 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,280 Hey! 270 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,780 What do you bench press? Like 350? 271 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,800 Hey, where's Pete? 272 00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,250 He's in back. 273 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:15,410 Why are you hiding behind a menu? 274 00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:17,630 They're there. 275 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,470 I think some women from that gym just walked in. 276 00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:24,950 Maybe if they were naked and wet, you could be sure. 277 00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:26,730 Ow. 278 00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:31,970 So did you talk with Nicole? 279 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,870 Yeah, she won't get rid of the tattoo. 280 00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:36,750 Must be completely honest with Pete about her past. 281 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:38,530 You look that filthy. 282 00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:41,790 Bert, you're just going to have to tell him. 283 00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:44,410 You give me one good reason why I should. 284 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:47,410 Besides, he's my best friend and it's the right thing to do. 285 00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,310 Okay, that is it. 286 00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:52,670 Bert, thank you so much for covering my shit. 287 00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:55,110 This is a friend. Is this not a friend? 288 00:15:55,910 --> 00:16:00,230 Oh, and you know what? When we get back, we'll all go out to dinner. You guys, 289 00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,290 me, Nicole. 290 00:16:01,510 --> 00:16:04,550 You guys are going to love her. I mean, she's really fun to get to know. 291 00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:05,950 Apparently. 292 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000 There's just one thing. 293 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:18,040 Listen, man, this is really hard for me, but a few years ago, 294 00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:24,860 I went out without 295 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:28,360 sunblock, and I regret it to this day. 296 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,880 That's tough, man. 297 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:34,900 See ya. 298 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:37,300 See, it's about you and Nicole. 299 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,090 Well, I think that you two could be perfect for each other. 300 00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:44,430 Bert, look, I don't need your stamp of approval. 301 00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:45,750 Too late. 302 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:51,830 Well, look, there's just one teeny tiny thing that I feel could be a stumbling 303 00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:54,530 block between you guys. What are you talking about? You don't even know her. 304 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:57,810 Well, last night as I was leaving the bar, I accidentally caught a glimpse of 305 00:16:57,810 --> 00:17:01,370 her. And now this is something that would bother a jerk like me, but not a 306 00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:04,190 -adjusted, secure man like yourself. Okay, Bert, okay, Bert, look, look, if 307 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,550 you're going to start picking her apart, it's not going to make a bit of a 308 00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:08,150 difference, so, you know, don't even bother. 309 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,940 Hey, what kind of teeny tiny thing would bother a jerk like you? 310 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:17,520 Well, I'll tell you. A few years ago, I kind of met Nicole at a party. 311 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,700 Don't, don't, don't tell me you slept with her. 312 00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:25,220 Well, that kind of ruins the end of my story. 313 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,680 This isn't happening. You can't blame me for this. No? 314 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,640 Pete, what am I supposed to do? Walk up to every girl I meet at a party and go, 315 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:36,720 excuse me, are you planning on dating Pete Dunville in three years? 316 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,680 This is unbelievable. Unbelievable, Berg. Somehow, you've actually gone back 317 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:41,920 time and ruined my life. 318 00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:45,580 Come on. Someone should have slept with other guys, too. 319 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:46,920 There's a silver lining. 320 00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:52,420 It was one night. I mean, it meant nothing to her. 321 00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:56,440 Less than nothing. In fact, I think she kind of hates me. 322 00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:02,700 Okay, all right, fine. You and Nicole had a date. It wasn't even a date. 323 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,380 Dates are romantic. I just picked her up at a party. 324 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,040 It's in the past, okay? 325 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,260 I'm erasing the mental image. 326 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,160 Gone. No more flow. 327 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,700 Hey, you are one hell of a guy. I really am. 328 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,580 Another teeny tiny thing could come up. Don't want to know, don't need to know. 329 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:28,900 Why? Because it's in the past, and there it will stay as long as I never, ever 330 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,540 have to be reminded of it again. 331 00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:43,850 that there's something I need to tell you. 332 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,750 It's about your roommate and me. No, no, no, look, baby. 333 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,090 Hey, you already told me. 334 00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:52,590 I just want you to know that it was just a stupid, dumb thing. 335 00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:58,430 Look, look, we don't even have to talk about it, okay? I am so, so past it. 336 00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:00,370 It won't bother you? 337 00:19:01,610 --> 00:19:02,970 Watch it not bother me. 338 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,330 Pete. 339 00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:07,850 Call her. 340 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,900 I was so upset about the whole thing with Nicole and a tattoo that I punched 341 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,520 mailbox, causing me physical pain and a possible federal crime. 342 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,820 That's the best you could come up with? 343 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,200 Well, I think it sounds better than I was so upset I wrapped my hand in this 344 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,200 bandage. 345 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,000 Look, I mean, if he was still upset, you would have gotten a call by now. It's 346 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,800 not the kind of thing you keep bottled up. 347 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,200 You. 348 00:19:58,510 --> 00:19:59,510 It wasn't me. 349 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:03,930 Okay, it was me, but it wasn't my fault. Okay, it was my fault. 350 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,170 Look, I'm hurt. 351 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,670 Take the bandage off, Berg. 352 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,430 You know, you should have told me. 353 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,630 Well, I was afraid that you'd disown me. 354 00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:19,070 You know, I should have disowned you when you set me up with that psycho from 355 00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:22,050 the personals. I should have disowned you when you submitted me for that 356 00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:23,790 transvestite segment on Sally Jessie. 357 00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:27,250 Well, now, that would have been a free trip to New York. 358 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,940 I should have disowned you, but I didn't. 359 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,620 It's the price I pay for being your friend. You've got to forgive a lot. 360 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,020 So what happened with Nicole? 361 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:47,220 Well, after she pried me off the feeling and we talked, I realized it didn't 362 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:52,280 matter. You know, I mean, this girl had the mother of all flaws, and I still 363 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,280 wanted to be with her. 364 00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:57,840 Oh, when you think about it, I really brought you and Nicole a little closer 365 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:58,840 together. 366 00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:03,720 I'm not going to thank you. 367 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,720 Your happiness is thanks enough. 368 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:13,300 I love that you were the last person in this room to see your girlfriend naked. 369 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,000 Back off, sister. 370 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:19,800 I can't help it. Well, try.